Approaching Her

One of the questions I get most often, and so does my wife (Ms. Ivey), from men is, “How do I approach my wife about this?” The word “this” can be replaced with just about any sexual thing a man might want to do. It doesn't really matter what “this” is because the answer is always the same.

Every man, woman, and child on the planet is different. Big shock! That's what makes our world work. I remember an old Twilight Zone episode in which a man was given the opportunity to see what life would be like if everyone was like him. Everyone had his attitude about everything. He found he couldn't get along with anyone, not because people were different from him, but because of his own attitudes. He realized that his problems were all of his own making and not the result of what other people thought.

My point is, there is no one answer to the question of “how do I approach my wife about (whatever)?” I have tried and tried to come up with an answer that might work on more women than any other, but there just isn't a simple answer. So here is my response...

If you want to tell your spouse that you have an interest in this or that, there are two basic approaches: 1) you can sit her down and have a serious talk with her, or 2) you can drop hints or little suggestions that will lead her to the point where she will ask you about it. The first option (talking) is the one I usually recommend, simply because I have always found it easier to come right out and say whatever is on my mind.

Suppose you want your wife to lock you up in a steel chastity device, but don't know how to bring up the subject. If you don't feel that you can come right out with it for fear she will laugh at you, or get angry because you are a “pervert” of some sort, then you may need to drop a few hints before actually talking about it. But I still vote for the direct approach. It gets everything out into the open right away.

The best approach is to tell her that there is something that you want to talk about, and you don't want her to laugh or put you down for it. Tell her it is something that you feel strongly about and that you need to get it out in the open. Set up a time, maybe after dinner, and then keep the appointment.

Start your discussion by telling her that if she thinks you are crazy or perverted, that you will simply drop the subject and bring it up at a later date. Be serious. Don't laugh that nervous laugh of yours. Instead, tell her that you want to do something to improve your sex lives and that you have a suggestion if she is willing to listen. Tell her that you will be willing to listen to her if she has any suggestions as well. Let her know that you are not trying to pressure her. You simply want to discuss the problem and get her input as well.

Don't get upset if she thinks the idea is crazy. Give it some time. In a week or so you can bring it up again by simply asking her if she has given your idea any more thought. Once you have opened the door to the idea, you will should find it much easier to bring it up again. Be persistent. Don't pressure her, but keep your idea in her mind. Keep her thinking about it. Maybe, she will eventually come around.

Slave nemo